How I had to be upfront and call out inauthentic colleagues and community leaders
I am scared to post this based on potential negative reactions. But, the theme for this year’s International Women’s Day (IWD) is to inspire inclusion.
We’re told to have more courageous conversations around DEI. This blog is about being brave and doing the right thing. I’ve chosen not to name individuals or organisations. My hope is that more public accounts will come to light.
This experience presents an opportunity to create more inclusive workplaces and communities. To learn and act better.
I wrote some words very similar to these last summer in a private manner. It now feels appropriate to share this experience with the above context in mind.
Words from 2023.
I’ve not shared much about my short stint at a start-up or talked about learnings from a confidence community.
That’s because over the last 12 months I’ve experienced a huge period of change. While also getting therapy for PTSD.
I left work at a start-up last February due to the shocking behaviour of a colleague. I opened up about suffering imposter syndrome & I was shut down. They then piled on more reasons about why they were disappointed in my performance. Within a week of this incident and a few other incidents any level of trust we’d built was broken. I left with 1 week's notice before my probation was up. I’m prepared to acknowledge part of my reaction was due to trauma response but a large part was poor management.
About a month after I left this start-up the individual was spotlighted on a webinar . The webinar topic: supporting women in leadership positions.
Seeing this event made me sick to my stomach.
Before the event I contacted the event host. I wanted to make them aware that a person on the panel had not acted in-line with the ethos of the event. This message was ignored and my follow up also ignored.
What was particularly sad during this time was the radio silence. I believed this person would stand-up for me. Would listen to my concerns. Would give voice to the very issues that the organisation says it cares about.
I had emailed the organisation about these issues before cancelling my membership. And again had no reply. I am disappointed that my concerns were ignored. Especially given the focus on supporting women to be empowered in the workplace. The very intention of what the organisation is meant to represent felt completely disingenuous. Like my participation meant nothing and stood for nothing.
Last summer I left the former online community. As I couldn’t pay for a membership where I was treated with no care or consideration.
I meant no ill will to the organisation. But felt it was important to speak up and make people aware of the mismatch of ethos and actions. There may well have been a rationale about why my concerns were ignored.
I shared something to this effect leaving the community last summer. It was a shock, but not a surprise to discover that after posting this my message was deleted within an hour.And my access was blocked. It was a private online community space. This raised red flags with several other members and friends.
Further harm
Since this incident there has been a catalogue of further incidents. Accounts of erasure, denial and harm caused. In particular towards black women.
Therefore my account is just one small example of harm caused by folks who are espousing to be feminist.
On this IWD and every single day of the year we have to be prepared to have courageous conversations (See another post). But also have the humility to recognise when we can act more inclusively.
Conversation & action are required to build inclusive workplaces and communities where we can all thrive. Otherwise we risk creating talking shops devoid of the action needed to be radically inclusive.
Thank you for writing this. I stand with you as a witness of your experiences.